Verse Two

There was a time, in the not-so-distant past, when I was dealing with the aching pain of rejection. It was a dark, insecure place. Not only was I feeling rejected, but I also felt isolated, as if I were the only person on the face of the earth who had ever felt that pain. I truly doubted that anyone could understand how I felt. In the midst of my despair, the homework for a Bible study I was attending at the time directed me to read Isaiah chapter 53.

If there was ever a chapter of the Bible that so radically changed me, it was that chapter on that day. I was amazed, and filled with the love of God when I read that I was not alone ~ I was not the only one to experience rejection! Not only did Christ experience the gut-wrenching pain of rejection (and therefore understand how I felt), he was rejected by everyone on the earth. There is no comfort on earth  that compares to the realization that Christ so loved me that he died on the cross for me, despite enduring all the pain of (my!) rejection. My pain pales in comparison to his - and he loves and forgives anyway!

Words cannot possibly describe how much this chapter has meant to me; how I've returned to it time after time for a reminder and reassurance. This is the first time that I've selected a verse of this chapter to memorize, and I chose this verse because I never want to forget that he has not only felt my pain, but borne the pain of my sin, and yet he loves me still.

What about you? Feel free to enter your memory verse in the comments below!

Day Seventeen: A favorite photo of yourself and why

This is the background on The Husband's laptop

This photo was taken a year and a half ago. We (The Hubs, Big Brother, and my two brothers) were at an outdoor seafood joint on the boardwalk in Clearwater, Florida. We'd been walking on the beach, and I'd gotten chilly, so my brother Aaron lent me his gray hoodie. The Hubs snapped this photo with his iPhone as I was talking to Big Brother about selections on the menu, asking him what he would like to eat for lunch.

I didn't know that he took the picture until a couple of weeks later. We were talking about something and I made the comment that I don't look like a model. He pulled this photo up on his phone and showed it to me, basically implying that I looked like a model in THIS photo. I laughed, because when I see this picture, I think drily that it isn't the most flattering picture in existence. My hair is wind-blown, I'm wearing a bulky hoodie, and I'm not even smiling at the camera. You can tell I was talking as it was taken. Yeah. Sure. Real attractive.

However, as I thought about it some more, I realized that the reason he thinks I'm attractive in this picture is not because it's the best picture of me, but because it captured a moment of happiness. In this picture, all he sees are pleasing things. This picture brings back good memories of a lovely day. Since it's one of HIS favorite pictures of me, it's one of my favorites, too.

My Sword, V4

"You are my witnesses," declares the Lord, "and my servant whom I have chosen that you may know and believe me and understand that I am He. Before me, no god was formed, nor shall there be any after me."
Isaiah 43:10

One of my major life battles has been to fight against insecurity. There are lots of layers there; perhaps that is a topic for another day. However, this verse is one that reminds me that the God of the universe, Creator Most High, has chosen me. Of all of the tiny, insignificant drops in the sea, He not only sees me and cares. He chose ME! He wants me to know Him! He wants me to believe Him! He wants me to understand! He wants a relationship with ME. If there is any weapon against insecurity, it is this verse! How can one be insecure when she knows that the Lord wants her!? Any time that I feel the tendrils of insecurity wafting around me, I can shout these words to the rooftops and rejoice.

Honestly

I am going to be just a little bit confessional here, so pretend like we're sitting at Starbucks.  I'm drinking a grande nonfat caramel macchiato, just so you know. Unless it's between September and December--- then I'm drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte and my eyes are closed in delirious happiness.  But I digress... this isn't a blog post about lattes.

I have been teaching a Sunday School class at my church... it's for single ladies, and the topic is Insecurity.  Long story short, this journey began months ago with God laying the desire on my heart to teach a Sunday School class.  The subject matter must have come from Him, too, because it has been just what I needed.  I don't know that the class has been earth-shattering for anyone... except for me.  I think He called me to teach this class so I would absorb it for myself.  God is working in my heart and in my relationships (especially my marriage) through this class.  I will just leave it at that.

Recently, my husband and I had a conversation at home.  This is one of those random, unimportant conversations that happen multiple times a day.  Our son needed his nose wiped, and Hubs picked up the [dirty/used] dish cloth from the sink and bent over to wipe his nose.

"You're not going to use that and then put it back in the sink to wash dishes with, are you?" I asked, horrified.  My overactive imagination envisioned the bacteria swarming through the rag and onto the clean dishes, and from there into our food... and our mouths.  Essentially, to me, we'd be eating the snot.

"Really?" he exclaimed, slightly annoyed. "I would never even think of such a thing.  I think you're the only person on the planet who would ever think of such a thing."  Despite being annoyed, he got a different wash cloth out, ran warm water over it, and wiped the Little One's nose.  Then he threw the cloth into the dirty laundry basket.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  To him, the conversation was over, but his comment rankled in my heart.  So, I did what any self-respecting woman would do... I sought affirmation from my facebook friends!!!

To my delight, I am NOT the only person on the planet that would "think of such a thing."  (To his credit, there are a few who were in agreement with him.)  However, this got me thinking.  WHY did I post that on facebook?  It wasn't to make him look bad.  No, that wasn't my motivation.  It wasn't to make myself look good, either.  It was because my feelings were hurt when he said I was the only one on the planet who would think of such a thing, and I didn't want to be alone!!!  I wanted my opinion, my feelings, to be validated by someone!

Now, it was not his motivation to hurt my feelings (and why my feelings are so easily hurt is another matter entirely), we didn't have a "fight" over it, and neither of us were/are upset. (He knows about the facebook posting, in case you were wondering.)  It really wasn't a big deal; as I said before, it was a simple, random, daily conversation that just so happened to impact my day in a certain way. 

There isn't much of a point to this post, as far as a moral to the story. I don't mean to say that I'm right or I'm wrong, but it is an interesting conundrum; why do I (and probably "we" as human beings) want validation so much?  It doesn't seem wrong to want validation.  I guess it's a question for the cosmic void!

Victorious

My son's name means victorious, and this is no accident.

I started out 2010 with a New Year's resolution to be victorious.  We know that we will ultimately be victorious when we are on the Lord's side, but sometimes we fail on a daily basis.  I want to have victory in my life over the things that attack me.  I want victory over insecurity, victory over pride, and victory over anger and bitterness.  I want victory for my son, victory in my marriage, victory over Satan's evil attacks against all the relationships in my life.  He wants to separate us from Christ AND each other, but I'm on to him!  I will hold onto Jesus and cling to His peace and trust in His name for my victory.

This is not always easy.  Let me rephrase that.  It is NEVER easy.  I know that He wants me to live a victorious life in Him, but I have to choose that victory.  I have to fight for that victory.  We are warriors, after all.  I hope it gets easier as time passes, but at this point in my life it is a daily, hour-by-hour, minute-by-minute scene of hand-to-hand combat.  The sweat pours off me and my blade is hot from hitting my foes so frequently.  I have to keep my focus Heavenward in order to be victorious.