Pangs of Death

My Bible study on the life of Christ is wrapping up just in time for Easter and this week has been bountiful with the blessings of scripture. I was saved at the age of six and grew up hearing the story of the cross and resurrection continually. Every Easter is a precious time for me, but this year, this Holy Week has been an exceptional blessing. (Praise be to God!) This verse is a gem from this morning. I hope it encourages someone else as much as it did me to think that it was NOT POSSIBLE for death to hold Jesus Christ! Amen!

P.S. I loved this so much that I'm adding it to My Sword for this year! Verse 7.1!

Not Scarred For Life

This is a post that I've had whirling in my head for a long time. I need to hear this reminder frequently. Some other mom out there needs to hear it, too.

I was hospitalized before Little Brother was born due to pregnancy complications. After Little Brother was born, he was in the NICU for ten weeks. I spent all day every day at the hospital with him. It was almost as if I was hospitalized, too. There are a lot of musings from that time period about which I will write in the future. That story has to be told bit by bit by bit, the way it was experienced.

Today, though, as a friend is facing a similar trial, heavy on my heart is the part of the story that affected Big Brother. You see, he was not quite three years old and suddenly his life plunged into chaos. During that time, my heart broke to be apart from him. His third birthday came and went without much ado. Thanksgiving and Christmas and New Year's came and went… and his mommy was absent. He missed me. He wanted me to "snuggle" him on the couch. He would hold my hand to his cheek when he saw me, and close his eyes as if being near me was complete bliss.

I told some people how I felt about it, and everyone would say, "Well, at least he won't remember it!" I tried to comfort myself somehow with that thought - he was small enough that he wouldn't remember it. He wouldn't have to carry that burden his whole life. Isn't this what we do? We worry about how we are "scarring our children for life" with the things that we say and do or don't say and don't do. There is always guilt associated with every facet of motherhood… guilt associated with both sides of every single decision. 

God gave me a verse to which I clung in desperation throughout Little Brother's hospitalization and the months that followed his homecoming:

I fought fear every day. It was an excruciating, exhausting battle, but I reminded myself that He loved my boys so much more than I love them. I had to surrender them to Him time and time again.

I still clung to the hope that Big Brother wouldn't be scarred for life by my absence when Little Brother was born and hospitalized. Then, one day, just a few short months ago, I heard Big Brother say to Little Brother, "You were in the hospital for a LONG TIME. But don't worry. You don't have to go back there EVER AGAIN."

Tears stung my eyes, and my heart sunk with the realization that he had not forgotten. For a short time, I was tortured by this. I wondered how it was going to affect him in the future; I worried that he was "scarred for life."

Then something clicked in my head. I don't know if it was the Holy Spirit whispering to my heart or what, but these words came to me: Yes, he remembers. He remembers and he is okay. Quite simply, it was part of his journey, just like the things that have hurt me in my life were part of my journey. I realized that just as there is no part of my life, no hurt, no circumstance, that is beyond the redemption of Christ - that same truth applies to the hurts in the lives of my loved ones! He can redeem my mistakes as a mother and use them for good. Of course, it will be up to my boys, but it will be their choice. They do not have to be scarred for life.

Love Letter

I love you.

It is because of Me that you are.

My love for you is greater than comprehension.

I give all good things to you.

I forgive every time you offend Me.

No matter what you do, how you fail, how you disappoint or anger Me,

I will go on loving you.

My death gives you the chance to love Me.

There is no greater love than My love for you.

In honor of Valentine's Day, I thought I'd post this little love letter. I wrote it eleven years ago for a Valentine's Day writing competition at my college. I can't remember if the competition was to write the best love letter or the best Valentine's Day poem, but whatever it was, I won. (The prize was a stuffed animal of my choice from the campus store! Ha!) I'm sure I won because I focused on the Greatest Love Story instead of all the mushy-gushy stuff, NOT because the writing was stellar. I know some people call Valentine's Day "Singleness Awareness Day." I'm posting this as a reminder that you are loved with the deepest love, no matter your relationship status! 

A few thoughts on marriage...RESPECT

I wrote these marriage posts over a year ago. I'm not sure why I didn't post them last year, but life spiraled out of control shortly after I wrote them and I forgot about them until now. A darling young bride had asked me to speak at her wedding shower, and I turned my three points into three marriage posts.

I wrestled with God's leading to teach the Sunday School class on Insecurity, but through that experience, I learned that God often uses what we teach others to help US learn. I decided to look at the speaking opportunity as a reminder to myself of the marriage truths I needed most to hear, in the hopes that if it was something beneficial to ME it would be beneficial for others as well.

RESPECT
At a Living Proof Live event that I attended, speaker Beth Moore told us about a friend of hers praying for a group of women, "Help us to see our men as great." I was struck by that so deeply that I wrote it in my notes in bold caps and underlined it several times. Our culture disrespects men! Think of the hot dog commercial where the wife spends the whole thirty seconds telling her husband "no." He is portrayed as an immature buffoon, and she is portrayed as the sophisticated leader who knows best in every situation. What a wrong image - and for a hot dog commercial! I'm sure you can think of other examples in media of how our culture is disrespectful.

We have to be so careful as wives not to allow those subliminal messages to permeate our thoughts and perspectives about our husbands. Respect is vital to the marriage relationship.

We think of men as very competitive creatures. Consider this: If two men are working together to dig a ditch, there is an understood competition to see who can dig faster, farther, more efficiently, etc. They don't say a word. They don't have to. They both just know they are in a competition. Women are just as competitive, but in a completely different way. When I was nine months pregnant, a woman started to tell me her HORROR story of her first birthing experience. Not willing to be outdone, another woman chimed in to tell her HORROR story, and soon a third woman joined the chorus of HORROR birthing stories. I walked away with eyes like saucers, wondering WHY in the world those women would ever tell a pregnant woman those kinds of tales. I think women compete for the martyr award, and that's where our competition comes into play. One of us starts to tell a story about how difficult her husband is, and another says, "That's nothing... you should hear what my husband said to me the other day..." and pretty soon the conversation has turned into a husband-bashing session.

This should not be. My advice for the young bride is to NEVER join into those kinds of conversations... even to RUN away from "friends" who behave that way. I made a pact with my closest friends when they got married that they could tell me anything... if they had a struggle with their husband, I would listen but I would always encourage them to talk to their husband about it, because that is the only way things can be resolved. (My friends do the same for me.)

Of course, when we talk about the issue, we need to make sure we are "speaking the truth in love" (Eph. 4:15). We can speak the truth, but if we are yelling, or being sarcastic, or using violent hand gestures as we speak, we aren't communicating respect and the damage is the same.  Many times, we should say less and pray more. Ecclesiastes 5:2 says "Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few." So often, if we didn't say anything about the issue and just prayed about it, things would go more smoothly!

PART II
PART III

A few thoughts on marriage... BEST FRIENDSHIP

I wrote these marriage posts over a year ago. I'm not sure why I didn't post them last year, but life spiraled out of control shortly after I wrote them and I forgot about them until now. A darling young bride had asked me to speak at her wedding shower, and I turned my three points into three marriage posts.

I wrestled with God's leading to teach the Sunday School class on Insecurity, but through that experience, I learned that God often uses what we teach others to help US learn. I decided to look at the speaking opportunity as a reminder to myself of the marriage truths I needed most to hear, in the hopes that if it was something beneficial to ME it would be beneficial for others as well.

BEST FRIEND
Out of curiosity, I polled a bunch of married female co-workers via email to ask them what marriage advice they would give a new bride. I had dozens of great responses, but the overwhelming majority of them talked about the importance of your husband being your best friend. This seems like it would be easy when you're first married. Before you get married (and even when you are newlywed sometimes), you think you will love to be together every day for forever. Once you get into the nitty-gritty of marriage, though, you find out that it is more work to intentionally be best friends.

One way that I like to think of it is that we are to be a "student" of our spouse. It is my privilege to become an expert in the subject of my husband. Not just his likes and dislikes, but understanding what makes him who he is. There are so many stereotypes out there that say that men are "simple," but I don't think that is true at all. Men are every bit as complex as women are! That's why it takes effort to learn each other.

Another thing that helps friendships blossom is to always assume the best about your husband. First Corinthians 13:7 says that "love believes all things." Rather than assume the worst, if we assume the best, our feelings are less likely to be hurt and miscommunication is less likely to occur. This is very hard to do, but I have to remind myself that my husband and I are not opposing teams - we are on the SAME team. He is not the enemy.

I also remind myself of what it takes to be friends with someone. It takes time. We need to spend time together, doing things that we enjoy doing, talking, and working together. We have to be intentional about setting aside time specifically for US. If I want to deepen a friendship with a girlfriend, we schedule a coffee date or play date and we chat about life. So it is if I want to deepen my friendship with my husband.

This is Part II of a three-part series. Click below to read the other posts:
PART I
PART III

A few thoughts on marriage... FIGHT

I wrote these marriage posts over a year ago. I'm not sure why I didn't post them last year, but life spiraled out of control shortly after I wrote them and I forgot about them until now. A darling young bride asked me to speak at her wedding shower, and I turned my three points into three marriage posts.

I wrestled with God's leading to teach the Sunday School class on Insecurity, but through that experience, I learned that God often uses what we teach others to help US learn. I decided to look at the speaking opportunity as a reminder to myself of the marriage truths I needed most to hear, in the hopes that if it was something beneficial to ME it would be beneficial for others as well.

FIGHT

A dear friend asked me a couple of years ago what my marriage advice was, and I told her one of the biggest things I'd learned was that you have to actively fight for your marriage. There is even a reasonable and good measure of jealousy in a marriage - I'm jealous FOR my husband. I used to think jealousy in marriage was a silly thing. Now I think that righteous jealousy is crucial. 

Marriage is under attack in our culture. I don't have to spout off statistics... you already know someone whose home and heart has been ravaged by divorce.

It takes a lot of spiritual strength to fight for your marriage. We have to put on the whole armor of God (Eph. 6:11). It's important to study the word for God's instructing in becoming a godly wife. The closer you are to God, the better your marriage will be. We have to pray for His help. This shows our dependence upon Him. If we run to HIM with our "ventings" rather than our girlfriends, things will go more smoothly! Part of putting on the whole armor of God is memorizing scripture. There is nothing like the memorized word to fight off temptation and attacks on your marriage!

Our marriages are an opportunity for us to show the world a picture of the love that Christ has for the church. What an awesome privilege and joy!

This is the third in a three-part series on marriage. Click below to view the other posts:
PART I
PART II

Day Sixteen: Something difficult in my life and how I'm working to overcome it

I thought about this topic for several days, trying to come up with something that is difficult in my “lot in life” right now and how I’m working to overcome it. First of all, life is hard. No matter what, everyone has their own difficulties, struggles and pain. I'm no different.

However, everything I can think of that I could write about today seems really petty and small compared to the struggles that others (like Heather, whose little boy was born with CHD and is in the hospital… pray for him!) are currently experiencing, or even to the struggles I’ve endured through the years. Things are just not that bad right now. Sure, I could come up with a long list of complaints, like lack of sleep, or the fact that The Project is overtaking our lives right now, or the check engine light that came on in the car, or sleep regression in Little Brother. But in the grand scheme of life, those things are insignificant. The Hubs, Big Brother, Little Brother and I are doing well. We are healthy. We are fed, clothed, and have more than enough to share with others.  I praise God for that!

I recently read Lysa TurKeurst’s book, Unglued. She talks about how easily we allow daily circumstances to affect our attitudes. Something she said stuck with me (don't you love it when you read a book and glean some practical wisdom from it? I do). She says when she starts to feel herself coming “unglued” over those little things that always crop up, she tells herself, “If this is the worst thing that happens today, it’s still a pretty good day.” And you know what? I’ve tried it, and it helps me keep things in perspective. Little Brother is crying for no apparent reason? If that's the worst thing that happens, it's still a pretty good day. Big Brother has three potty accidents? Doesn't mean it's a bad day. The check engine light comes on in my car? Well, it could certainly be a lot worse. Praise the Lord!

So, I guess you could say I have all of the normal difficulties, and the way that I’m working to overcome them is to try to keep them in perspective… I like to call it eternal perspective.  As it says in Ecclesiastes 3:11, God has put eternity in my heart. May I always remember to look at things through the lens of His word!

Day Seven: Your Biggest Fear

There is a scene in Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix where Harry walks into a room to find Mrs. Weasley being tormented by a boggart. A boggart is a physically harmless beast whose real threat is to rattle its prey emotionally. It is a shape-shifter, and takes the form of whatever it thinks will most frighten the person in front of it. Harry is astonished when he witnesses a boggart take the form of each of Mrs. Weasley’s children, one at a time, laying before her, cold and lifeless. As a horrified and confused Harry watches, Mrs. Weasley sobs, completely debilitated by the thought of her children being hurt.

That detail of the book didn’t really impact me until I became a mom. It brings me to tears now! If I was to come across a boggart, it would appear to me as the cold, lifeless body of Big Brother or Little Brother, and I, like Mrs. Weasley, would be reduced to a sobbing mess. In Harry's world, there is a magic spell that can easily defeat a boggart, but I don't have a magic wand here on earth.

Thankfully, my God is greater than my fears, and the real way to fight off those “boggarts” is with the power of The Sword. It always seems to come back to scripture memory for me. That is the only way I know to fight against the temptation to worry over the fear of “what ifs.” I don’t say that lightly. Several years ago, I was battling some pretty significant (almost crippling) fear. It wasn’t unwarranted fear, either. However, I took my fears to my pastor, and he gave me a list of scripture* that I could read and memorize to help. It made a big difference then, and came in useful again more recently.

Little Brother had a rough time after he was born. He was in the hospital for ten weeks, and there were days when fear for his life and health gripped my heart. I was shaken to my core more than once. I had to continually give Little Brother back to the Lord (because I kept “taking the burden back on my shoulders”).  I reminded myself over and over that no matter what happened, God is still God and He is still Good. It was hard. Oh, was it hard! It is STILL hard to surrender the lives of my precious sons to Him! Yet, how ridiculously prideful of me to think that they are mine anyway! As if I was in control! And really, as I’ve mentioned before, He loves them more than I ever could, anyway.

So every time fear raises its ugly head, I take up My Sword and fight. No boggart is getting into THIS head!

*II Tim. 1:7, Isaiah 26:3, Psalm 50:15, Isaiah 12:2, Psalm 27:1, Isaiah 43:1-3a, Joshua 1:9

Day Five: What do you do?

When I Don't Think I Can

I breathe, and when I don’t think I can, He gives me strength.

I love, and when I don’t think I can, He fills me.

I serve, and when I don’t think I can, He reminds me why.

I dream, and when I don’t think I can, He lends me his lens.

I hope, and when I don’t think I can, He sends me his promise.

I support, and when I don’t think I can, He upholds me.

I speak, and when I don’t think I can, He gives me words.

I pray, and when I don’t think I can, He groans for me.

I live, and when I don’t think I can, He gives me strength.