A lot of people would say curly hair is a blessing, but for a long time it felt like a curse to me. I struggled with insecurity anyway, and it didn't help that my hair was often a frizzy mess. I have had all of the clichéd exchanges you can imagine, from old women telling me that they would pay money to have my curls to a young woman telling me she would “cut off both her arms to have crazy curly hair” like me. Ah, thanks. I think.
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Go with the flow.
No matter what I do with my hair, it does its own thing. Thankfully, when I was sixteen I learned the cardinal curly hair rule: DO NOT BRUSH YOUR HAIR. This has made a world of difference, but my hair is still wild. After years of fighting the curl, I've come to realize that I can either fight and be disgusted with its wildness or I can take care of my hair and accept that it is not going to be perfect. Ever. This is something my dad calls "being flexible." He likes to remind those around him, "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape." I can do my best to make good decisions in life, but I am not in control, so I have to roll with the punches. Just like curly hair isn't perfect, neither is life.
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There is no comparison.
I'm ecstatic to be teaching Sunday School again, and yesterday's lesson was on not comparing yourself to others. WHAT?! I'm teaching the very lesson that my own heart needs to hear. So what if my friends' hairs seem to fall smoothly just the way they want them? My hair was created to be curly. In the same way, my life is not going to go as smoothly as the lives of others appear to be going. (Note that I didn't say "as smoothly as the lives of others" because most of the time, the lives that I think are going smoothly are really just as rippled as mine!)
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Take responsibility and let it go.
My mom didn't have curly hair, so she taught me to brush my hair the way she brushed hers. It wasn't until I was a teenager that I finally took responsibility for learning how to take care of MY hair - and figuring out that what works for some people doesn't work for me! How often do we try to emulate others to the detriment of our sanity? I have to remind myself to do what works for me - to take responsibility for myself - and not worry about the rest. After all, if I'm making the best decision possible with the resources available to me, I can have no regrets.
Sometimes, I use a straightening iron and make my curls smooth and straight. It doesn't last, though. Underneath, I'm still a curly-haired girl, and I always will be. And I'm fine with that.
What about you? What have you learned from your unchangeable physical characteristics?
LOL. I'm the complete opposite. My hair is extremely straight. Even if I coerce a few curls out of it with too much time and a curling iron, the effect is short-lived. Why is it we always want what we don't have? Like you, I've learned to accept myself the way I am since there's no changing the hand I've been dealt!
ReplyDeleteI think it's human nature to want what we do not have, unfortunately! Our culture is partially to blame, but mostly it's just our human nature!
DeleteI am so flat and wished for curly! Like you I finally came to terms and I think that has a lot with total acceptance, hair included.
ReplyDeleteThe good thing about straight hair is that smooth hair is always "in style!" Curls come in and out of vogue!
DeleteMy sister has curly hair and I have the straightest hair known to man. I've just learned to embrace it just like everything else. Now I'm trying to encourage my daughter (who has hair just like mine) to do the same. Unfortunately she still wants beautiful ringlets. I guess it's everything happens in its own time.
ReplyDeleteMy sister has straight hair, too, and I envied her for it when we were younger. I agree - your daughter will learn to love her own hair eventually! Keep encouraging her toward that end, momma!
DeleteI always wanted curly hair. Your so lucky! Love this post!
ReplyDeleteYES, I am lucky to have curly hair! I wouldn't have said that in years past, but I agree wholeheartedly now! :-)
DeleteYour dad's saying, "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape.", is awesome! Isn't it funny how what we get ready to teach kids is really what we need to hear. again.
ReplyDeleteI've pretty much accepted the craziness of my hair - I grew up with straight hair, now it's curly - but your last question is a good reminder. I need to accept my other unchangeable physical characteristics. I am NOT in control - no matter how much I might think I am or think I want to be. :-) Thank you.
April, it's so funny because I've been thinking about the unchangeable physical characteristics of my sons - specifically, one of my boys has a really big birth mark. To most people, it would be an ugly thing, or at the very least, something you just tolerate. But to me, it is SO INCREDIBLY PRECIOUS because it is part of who he is to me. I think God sees us all that way. He made us this way for a reason and He loves us this way.
DeleteI'm actually planning a blog post on this topic. :-)
"Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape."
ReplyDeleteI love that! Your dad is a wise man!
Yes, he is a very wise man!
DeleteI love the life lesson! We can't control everything! Of course, having fine, straight hair myself, I've naturally always wanted the full head of curls. I guess that's the whole "grass is greener" mentality. Your dad sounds like a smart guy! Whatever you were blessed with, own it!
ReplyDeleteYou really can't control everything. I still haven't learned what my hair wants. It seems to be a frizzy mess. It has a wave to it. Your hair is beautiful! Teach me your ways. lol :D
ReplyDeleteThis makes me smile! I do not have curly hair and have always wanted to.
ReplyDeleteI love how you talk about being ok with who you are and taking responsibility for your own part in life. Very good.
I have had a difficult time with ALL of my physical attributes and am slowly learning to love them because, well, they are me and I should enjoy that as God has created me to be me.
Thank you for your wise words :)
Recently we discovered Argan Magic, which is the only way we can tame our curls! We found it at a discount at T.J. Maxx
ReplyDeleteI think your hair looks good. I myself have frizzy hair and I have learned to accept that. I just style it once in a while with a flat iron when I'm in the mood.
ReplyDeleteI love this post and your hair! My own curly/frizzy haired battles have made me feel like that sheep picture above on many occasions. After years of battling it with my flat iron in hand, each pregnancy has actually calmed my fro down! I figured 16 more kids should do the trick and I'll finally have supermodel hair. ;)
ReplyDeleteAh, yes! Pregnancy changes a LOT of things, doesn't it?!?! I never knew how FLAT my tummy was before babies until AFTER babies, since it isn't so flat any more!!! Ha!
DeleteThought I currently love my curly, natural hair, I didn't always. And there were lots of products on the shelf to make my hair "manageable" (read, straight), That said, there are other characteristics like being tall that, believe it or not, I didn't always love and it took me a while to get with the program. All things said, time and perspective have been what it takes for me to get down with the characteristics I have and learn to love them for the unique person they make up.
ReplyDeleteI love your perspective. We need to appreciate what's been given us and try not to compare it to others. It just breeds dissatisfaction. Nice post!
ReplyDeleteIt's so easy to look at what others have and want that rather than just making the most of and appreciating what we have ourselves. I think learning to do that comes with age and experience. Experimenting with change is a part of growing up and also a great way to learn about what you have got too!
ReplyDeleteGood point, Jill! Experimenting with change helps us to figure out what works for us.
DeleteI have naturally wavy hair, so I deal with the not quite curly, not quite straight conundrum. I've learned that my hair, and sometimes the lack of effort I put into it doesn't define me. Go with the flow and embrace who you want to be today; straight, curly, or just out of the shower! Love the post! Finch @finchwren.com
ReplyDeleteI love this! I have the opposite problem as you. My hair is completely straight. I am learned to embrace it. At one point I envied all girls with curly hair but I know the grass isn't always greener on the other side. Everything has its pros and cons.
ReplyDeleteI love this post! I have incredibly fine, thin hair. For years, I permed it because my mom perms hers to give it body...except I don't choose to spend an hour every morning on my hair spraying, curling iron, abusing it. No thank you. Right now, I'm growing it out for Locks of Love. But I've learned that I can't wash it every day. I generally brush it, picking it first to take the knots out, daily. I've learned to like my hair and, like you, l've dealt with being 5'5", dealt with my body type, dealt with the fact that my teeth have soft enamel genetically and so on...I accept it, and learn what I can do to best take care of me. I LOVE this post!! Thank you for it!
ReplyDeleteI miss my curly hair. I used to have really curly hair to the point that I had to get a perm to control the curls. Then I had child #3 and my hair has gone wavy. I miss the curls and now deal with frizz. However, I am thankful that I have body and not straight hair. It is an adjustment, but I'm staying flexible as I learn to go with the flow.
ReplyDeleteIsn't it crazy what pregnancy does to your body? I think my curls are a little less tight since having babies. The other biggie was that I used to be blonde and my hair is definitely brown (with more gray in it than I like to admit) now!
DeleteIt took a lot of trial and error for me to love my curls, but I hope to shake the stigmas passed down to me and impart the same love with my six month old daughter. This is a great lesson to accept who we are and feel beautiful no matter what :)
ReplyDeleteHi! Okay, so I have super curly hair too, and this post resonates with me. I have it when people say I should "blow dry" my hair. That's a total disaster! Don't compare and go with the flow---good advice!
ReplyDeleteThanks for stopping by, Becky! I love your blog's premise and look forward to reading your Hawaiian adventures!
DeleteI really enjoyed this post. For me, I've always hated the color of my hair. Since trying to make the switch to a more toxic-free life, I no longer color it. There are times I look in the mirror and think "I hate the color of my hair." Then I look closer and see that more and more grey hairs are coming in. So now when I catch myself being critical in the mirror, I tell myself "I'm thankful my hair has color. I'm thankful I have hair." Great post and epic memes.
ReplyDeleteSince I'm gaining grays myself, I hear you on this!!! I was talking to someone about it recently. I told her that I have too many to just yank them like I did with my first. She said every time she yanks one she feels like three grow back in its place. On the bright side, thick gray hair is better than thin gray hair! Ha!
DeleteI could have written this post myself! Love it! You're so right and the quote from you dad is pure GOLD! I love it. Thank you so much for taking the time to share. I hope my daughter feels comfortable with curls :)
ReplyDeleteMy battle was always with my fair skin. My sister tanned so easily and I just burned. The only way I could get a tan was spray tanning, and that got expensive in a hurry. Plus, instead of being happy with how I looked, I just felt like a fake. So, even though it's not the popular color, I have learned to dress and adjust to my fair skin. No white pants for me!
ReplyDeleteI love this, Lori! You make an excellent point… it isn't worth feeling like a fake just to "fit in!"
DeleteI'm a curly haired girl too! It has been (and still is) a battle for me to deal with. I try to love it, but most days I just end up straightening it. I really need to do a better job of just learning how to correctly care for my curls.
ReplyDeleteAlyssa, I don't think there is anything wrong with straightening your hair! As I said at the bottom of the post, I straighten my hair sometimes, too. It takes a lot of time, though! I can "do" my curly hair in less than five minutes, whereas straightening it takes about an hour. (My hair is really long right now… it doesn't take that long if it's shorter.) It's just not worth the time to me to straighten it very often!
DeleteI have straight hair and I would LOVE curly hair. Grass is always greener I guess. For the longest time growing up I HATED being so tall. Now I love it - I've
ReplyDelete'grown" to love it.
I had strawberry-blonde, baby-fine hair as a kid. I hated my hair. It was thin, and SO lacking texture, barrettes would slip out! When my daughter was 3, she lost all of her hair, due to an auto-immune disease. That's when I made peace with my hair and became grateful for it.....better a 'bad hair' day than a 'no hair' day. Now that she's 19, she'd give anything to have hair......no matter what kind it was :)
ReplyDeleteI have stick straight, thin hair. My daughter has super thick, curly hair. In our house we can quickly prove the point that no matter what kind of hair you have, you always want someone else's. I've finally learned to go with mine and found some cuts that work. Her's can do anything she wants it to...except be brushed like you said lol
ReplyDeleteMy hair is curly too. Most of the time it's difficult to handle. And I get the same comments on my curls. In the end I enjoy my hair now :)
ReplyDeleteMy hair is not curly, it's just wavy. But my youngest son has curly hair and he resents it. I always tell him that he looks good with his curly hair and not all people are blessed with curly hair. He should be proud of his uniqueness and what matters is what is inside his heart. So far, he learned to like his curly hair and he wants to grow his hair to make him look "cool"
ReplyDeleteMy youngest has curly hair, too! He's too young to care at this point, but I just LOVE it. :-) Even when it's a frizzy, fuzzy mess! The good thing is that I'll be able to teach him from a young age how to do it "right." :-)
DeleteI love this post! I have crazy, frizzy, curly hair too! My favorite pic is the one that says "Girls with curly hair wake up like this". LMAO The worst thing is, it's true. I have found using a pick to comb through it, letting it air dry (which then it frizzes), and then using just plain water to scrunch my hair. It tames some of the frizzies, and ends up with curls. :0)
ReplyDeletePeople might think the "girls with curly hair wake up like this" picture is exaggeration, but it isn't!!! :-)
DeleteHi Amy! I decided to check you out after seeing your beautiful comment on my blog. I can totally relate to this post. I have the same wild curly hair. I go in spurts of loving and not loving it. You are right though about not brushing it. Poof! I am guilty of straightening my hair a lot in the winter months and leaving it curly in the summer. Mostly because I prefer to let the curls air dry for the best effect but it is too cold to do that in the winter. :)
ReplyDeleteI agree on the air drying! This also poses an issue if you ever want to wash your hair at night! :-)
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