Sunday, August 21, 2011

Dear Diary, Runing and I have a love/hate relationship. Love, Amy

Oddly enough, running six miles today felt like a piece of cake, probably because I ran nine miles last week.  I don't know how I did it, but I ran it in less than an hour, too, which seems like a miracle in itself!  Hey, I'll take it. 

I've been told that running is addictive.  Maybe so, but I must be immune to the addiction.  When I first began this running journey back in May, I looked forward to my running time.  In fact, I found it exhilerating!  As time goes on, however, more often than not I am NOT excited to go running.  It has come to feel a little bit like ... work!  Don't get me wrong, once I get going I enjoy it and I feel GREAT afterwards.  Let me clarify that: I feel tired, but have a sense of accomplishment that is highly satisfying. 

Part of the problem is that I have a difficult time finding the TIME to run... specifically, my long runs.  Nine miles is ninety minutes minimum, and as I continue to add miles the time multiplies as well.  The long runs do a number on my shins and joints for a few hours after I run, as well.  That in itself isn't horrible, as I have yet to suffer from shin splints or any other injury (praise the Lord!) due to lots of stretching, boswellia and cherry juice.  Still, it's not something I like to inflict on myself (not pain, exactly, but certainly throbbing and discomfort). 

I am still committed to seeing this through... I am going to run the Prairie Fire Half-Marathon on October 9th, Lord willing! Once that race is completed, though, I think I'm going to go back to walking and other low-impact aerobics as my primary exercise.  I don't want to take the time to fuel a running addiction.

One more word... I have discovered the sheer joy of cute workout clothes.  I bought myself some nike running shorts and tshirts and I must say, it IS a lot more comfortable to run in them than in my usual workout garb (which could only be described as grunge... ten-year-old volleyball shorts and baggy tshirts ring a bell?  I usually look straight out of a garage sale when I work out), so that's a plus. 

Saturday, August 6, 2011


I am going to be just a little bit confessional here, so pretend like we're sitting at Starbucks.  I'm drinking a grande nonfat caramel macchiato, just so you know. Unless it's between September and December--- then I'm drinking a Pumpkin Spice Latte and my eyes are closed in delirious happiness.  But I digress... this isn't a blog post about lattes.

I have been teaching a Sunday School class at my church... it's for single ladies, and the topic is Insecurity.  Long story short, this journey began months ago with God laying the desire on my heart to teach a Sunday School class.  The subject matter must have come from Him, too, because it has been just what I needed.  I don't know that the class has been earth-shattering for anyone... except for me.  I think He called me to teach this class so I would absorb it for myself.  God is working in my heart and in my relationships (especially my marriage) through this class.  I will just leave it at that.

Recently, my husband and I had a conversation at home.  This is one of those random, unimportant conversations that happen multiple times a day.  Our son needed his nose wiped, and Hubs picked up the [dirty/used] dish cloth from the sink and bent over to wipe his nose.

"You're not going to use that and then put it back in the sink to wash dishes with, are you?" I asked, horrified.  My overactive imagination envisioned the bacteria swarming through the rag and onto the clean dishes, and from there into our food... and our mouths.  Essentially, to me, we'd be eating the snot.

"Really?" he exclaimed, slightly annoyed. "I would never even think of such a thing.  I think you're the only person on the planet who would ever think of such a thing."  Despite being annoyed, he got a different wash cloth out, ran warm water over it, and wiped the Little One's nose.  Then he threw the cloth into the dirty laundry basket.  I breathed a sigh of relief.  To him, the conversation was over, but his comment rankled in my heart.  So, I did what any self-respecting woman would do... I sought affirmation from my facebook friends!!!

To my delight, I am NOT the only person on the planet that would "think of such a thing."  (To his credit, there are a few who were in agreement with him.)  However, this got me thinking.  WHY did I post that on facebook?  It wasn't to make him look bad.  No, that wasn't my motivation.  It wasn't to make myself look good, either.  It was because my feelings were hurt when he said I was the only one on the planet who would think of such a thing, and I didn't want to be alone!!!  I wanted my opinion, my feelings, to be validated by someone!

Now, it was not his motivation to hurt my feelings (and why my feelings are so easily hurt is another matter entirely), we didn't have a "fight" over it, and neither of us were/are upset. (He knows about the facebook posting, in case you were wondering.)  It really wasn't a big deal; as I said before, it was a simple, random, daily conversation that just so happened to impact my day in a certain way. 

There isn't much of a point to this post, as far as a moral to the story. I don't mean to say that I'm right or I'm wrong, but it is an interesting conundrum; why do I (and probably "we" as human beings) want validation so much?  It doesn't seem wrong to want validation.  I guess it's a question for the cosmic void!

Thursday, August 4, 2011

Rearview Mirror

Looking in the rearview mirror takes my breath away.
It seems like only yesterday we brought you home and now
you're chattering and observing everything.
I don't want to blink for fear in my next look
you'll be six years old in your baseball uniform
coming triumphantly home from your first game.
I won't want to take a breath for fear my next exhale
will reveal you fourteen years old with earbuds in
sleeping in the backseat on family summer vacation.
I can't bear to hear the ticking of the clock for time passing
means you'll be headed off to college, getting married,
having kids and wearing heartache as we all do.
No, I don't want to know what the future holds.
I just want to hold you in my arms
and bury my face in your sweet babyness
for as long as I can in reality and forever in my heart.