Blogtember

Fun things... I'm going to be blogging some more in September, so stay tuned!

Normal Life?

As someone who doesn't enjoy spontaneity, being outside my "routine" can be highly stressful. However, when I look back over the last year or two or ten, I see a pattern developing... just when I think we've achieved "normalcy," something changes. I think this might be happening to me on purpose. Maybe I'm not supposed to be comfortable in this life.

As my dad always says, "Blessed are the flexible, for they shall not be bent out of shape."

Grateful

Imagine the scene:

It's Christmas Eve. I'm driving home from the hospital, where I've spent the day with Little Brother. I know that I will not have my baby home with me on Christmas Day. Big Brother is at Grandma's house, and I need to stop at the grocery store to get salad to bring to Grandma's house the next day, as well as something for me and The Hubs to eat for dinner. I pull into the grocery store parking lot, preoccupied with too many thoughts to notice that it is pretty bare. Yes, the grocery store is closed and I'm sorry that I won't be able to bring the salad to Grandma's house for Christmas dinner, but I'm glad for the employees who get to go home and be with their families.

Weary. Worn. Weak.

I drive through at a local fast food chain, acquiring burgers, fries and shakes for The Hubs and me for dinner. We NEVER do this. But hey. It's Christmas Eve and there is little to no food in the house, and so I plunk down over eighteen dollars for the convenience of artery-clogging semi-food.

When I arrive home, The Hubs is ecstatic over my choice of dinner (you might say that I'm the healthy eater of the family) and informs me that It's A Wonderful Life has just started on TV. So, we pull out the TV trays and munch on our food while we watch.

For the first time in my life, I cry as I see George Bailey cry, begging to live again. I cry again when all of the people George's life has touched congregate at his house to help him in his time of need.

I cry, because as I watch those black-and-white faces on the television screen, I see the faces of the people I know in the here and now, as they congregate to help me in my time of need.

I see the dozens of coworkers who took up a gift card collection for my family. A whole basket full of gift cards, cash and checks from people who love us because they do.

The basket of gift cards from my co-workers

I see the faces of friends who anonymously took up a collection and left a cashier's check to help pay for medical bills. I still carry the envelope around with me in my purse because I just can't seem to throw it away.

I see the faces of friends who selflessly cooked meals for weeks and delivered them to us.

I see the faces of my in-laws, who are so much more than in-laws to me now, who watched Big Brother so that I could be with Little Brother.

I see the face of the beloved friend who took me to the hospital when I couldn't drive after surgery, who went to the grocery store for me, who did my dishes, who prayed and texted and emailed and made sure I was okay.

I see the face of the other friend who sent me mail EVERY SINGLE DAY because she couldn't be there with me in person.

I see the faces of the dozens of other friends who called, texted, emailed, sent cards and letters and made hospital visits and who prayed and prayed and PRAYED for us.

When the movie is over, The Hubs and I look at each other and we both have tears in our eyes. When we go to bed that night, we feel blessed. It truly is a wonderful life.

The next morning, it is Christmas, and we are going to the hospital to visit Little Brother before we go to Grandma's house to pretend to have Christmas just like every year. It isn't Christmas because Little Brother isn't there. It just isn't. But we pretend. We put those smiles on our faces and we snuggle Little Brother and as we drive away, we keep those smiles on our faces. As we drive to Grandma's house and I hope that no one notices that I forgot to bring the salad, we talk about the movie from the night before.

"We should watch It's A Wonderful Life every Christmas Eve," says The Hubs. "It should be our tradition."

I get warm fuzzies because I love things like this. "I agree," I reply. After a pause, I say, "I feel like all of the people who have helped us through this time are like the townspeople and we're like the Baileys."

The Hubs nods his head and says, "Yeah, but I don't feel like I deserve to have such good friends."

I know what he means. There is a certain humility that comes with receiving abundant blessing and knowing that we have done nothing to deserve it. I nod and say, "I agree - we haven't been as good of friends to these people as they are being to us."

As we drive, we sit there in silence. I think about how tough life is. It is disappointing, and yet... we would never have known how deeply we were loved without the tough spot. And while I'm not yet mature enough to be grateful to go through trials, I am grateful to God for those who love us enough to sacrifice for us. No, it doesn't feel like Christmas, and I don't want to be celebrating. Yet, here I am, receiving gifts from Him through other people. Being loved just because.

And I am grateful.

My Sword V16

For the weapons of our warfare are not of the flesh but have divine power to destroy strongholds.
- II Corinthians 10:4

I needed to hear this reminder that my weapons have divine power! I needed to be reminded that I am on the Victor's side! Amen!

My Sword V15

For though we walk in the flesh, we are not waging war according to the flesh.
- II Corinthians 10:3

When I say I am "struggling" with something, it means that I am under attack. I'm bothered. I'm having a difficult time. What it should also mean is that I am actively fighting that attack! The first definition of struggle is "to contend with an adversary or opposing force." When I struggle with insecurity, I have to actively, purposefully fight against it with specific scriptures, reminding myself who I am in Christ.

This verse reminds me what I'm dealing with when I struggle... there is more at stake than what meets the eye!

Circumstances and Decisions

It seems like an excuse to say "I am a product of my up-bringing." Pushing blame for the decisions we make is a cop-out. YES, we are greatly influenced by our circumstances. YES, horrific circumstances abound. I think of Ecclesiastes that says, "There is nothing new under the sun." There is comfort in that statement because it means that no matter how bad we have it, someone else has gone through the same thing. We are not alone!

All too often, our circumstances influence how we react. And since these things are of a circular nature, our negative reactions typically cause more negative circumstances.

To break the cycle, we have to decide to react positively!

A few thoughts on marriage...RESPECT

I wrote these marriage posts over a year ago. I'm not sure why I didn't post them last year, but life spiraled out of control shortly after I wrote them and I forgot about them until now. A darling young bride had asked me to speak at her wedding shower, and I turned my three points into three marriage posts.

I wrestled with God's leading to teach the Sunday School class on Insecurity, but through that experience, I learned that God often uses what we teach others to help US learn. I decided to look at the speaking opportunity as a reminder to myself of the marriage truths I needed most to hear, in the hopes that if it was something beneficial to ME it would be beneficial for others as well.

RESPECT
At a Living Proof Live event that I attended, speaker Beth Moore told us about a friend of hers praying for a group of women, "Help us to see our men as great." I was struck by that so deeply that I wrote it in my notes in bold caps and underlined it several times. Our culture disrespects men! Think of the hot dog commercial where the wife spends the whole thirty seconds telling her husband "no." He is portrayed as an immature buffoon, and she is portrayed as the sophisticated leader who knows best in every situation. What a wrong image - and for a hot dog commercial! I'm sure you can think of other examples in media of how our culture is disrespectful.

We have to be so careful as wives not to allow those subliminal messages to permeate our thoughts and perspectives about our husbands. Respect is vital to the marriage relationship.

We think of men as very competitive creatures. Consider this: If two men are working together to dig a ditch, there is an understood competition to see who can dig faster, farther, more efficiently, etc. They don't say a word. They don't have to. They both just know they are in a competition. Women are just as competitive, but in a completely different way. When I was nine months pregnant, a woman started to tell me her HORROR story of her first birthing experience. Not willing to be outdone, another woman chimed in to tell her HORROR story, and soon a third woman joined the chorus of HORROR birthing stories. I walked away with eyes like saucers, wondering WHY in the world those women would ever tell a pregnant woman those kinds of tales. I think women compete for the martyr award, and that's where our competition comes into play. One of us starts to tell a story about how difficult her husband is, and another says, "That's nothing... you should hear what my husband said to me the other day..." and pretty soon the conversation has turned into a husband-bashing session.

This should not be. My advice for the young bride is to NEVER join into those kinds of conversations... even to RUN away from "friends" who behave that way. I made a pact with my closest friends when they got married that they could tell me anything... if they had a struggle with their husband, I would listen but I would always encourage them to talk to their husband about it, because that is the only way things can be resolved. (My friends do the same for me.)

Of course, when we talk about the issue, we need to make sure we are "speaking the truth in love" (Eph. 4:15). We can speak the truth, but if we are yelling, or being sarcastic, or using violent hand gestures as we speak, we aren't communicating respect and the damage is the same.  Many times, we should say less and pray more. Ecclesiastes 5:2 says "Be not rash with your mouth, nor let your heart be hasty to utter a word before God, for God is in heaven and you are on earth. Therefore, let your words be few." So often, if we didn't say anything about the issue and just prayed about it, things would go more smoothly!

PART II
PART III

A few thoughts on marriage... BEST FRIENDSHIP

I wrote these marriage posts over a year ago. I'm not sure why I didn't post them last year, but life spiraled out of control shortly after I wrote them and I forgot about them until now. A darling young bride had asked me to speak at her wedding shower, and I turned my three points into three marriage posts.

I wrestled with God's leading to teach the Sunday School class on Insecurity, but through that experience, I learned that God often uses what we teach others to help US learn. I decided to look at the speaking opportunity as a reminder to myself of the marriage truths I needed most to hear, in the hopes that if it was something beneficial to ME it would be beneficial for others as well.

BEST FRIEND
Out of curiosity, I polled a bunch of married female co-workers via email to ask them what marriage advice they would give a new bride. I had dozens of great responses, but the overwhelming majority of them talked about the importance of your husband being your best friend. This seems like it would be easy when you're first married. Before you get married (and even when you are newlywed sometimes), you think you will love to be together every day for forever. Once you get into the nitty-gritty of marriage, though, you find out that it is more work to intentionally be best friends.

One way that I like to think of it is that we are to be a "student" of our spouse. It is my privilege to become an expert in the subject of my husband. Not just his likes and dislikes, but understanding what makes him who he is. There are so many stereotypes out there that say that men are "simple," but I don't think that is true at all. Men are every bit as complex as women are! That's why it takes effort to learn each other.

Another thing that helps friendships blossom is to always assume the best about your husband. First Corinthians 13:7 says that "love believes all things." Rather than assume the worst, if we assume the best, our feelings are less likely to be hurt and miscommunication is less likely to occur. This is very hard to do, but I have to remind myself that my husband and I are not opposing teams - we are on the SAME team. He is not the enemy.

I also remind myself of what it takes to be friends with someone. It takes time. We need to spend time together, doing things that we enjoy doing, talking, and working together. We have to be intentional about setting aside time specifically for US. If I want to deepen a friendship with a girlfriend, we schedule a coffee date or play date and we chat about life. So it is if I want to deepen my friendship with my husband.

This is Part II of a three-part series. Click below to read the other posts:
PART I
PART III

A few thoughts on marriage... FIGHT

I wrote these marriage posts over a year ago. I'm not sure why I didn't post them last year, but life spiraled out of control shortly after I wrote them and I forgot about them until now. A darling young bride asked me to speak at her wedding shower, and I turned my three points into three marriage posts.

I wrestled with God's leading to teach the Sunday School class on Insecurity, but through that experience, I learned that God often uses what we teach others to help US learn. I decided to look at the speaking opportunity as a reminder to myself of the marriage truths I needed most to hear, in the hopes that if it was something beneficial to ME it would be beneficial for others as well.

FIGHT

A dear friend asked me a couple of years ago what my marriage advice was, and I told her one of the biggest things I'd learned was that you have to actively fight for your marriage. There is even a reasonable and good measure of jealousy in a marriage - I'm jealous FOR my husband. I used to think jealousy in marriage was a silly thing. Now I think that righteous jealousy is crucial. 

Marriage is under attack in our culture. I don't have to spout off statistics... you already know someone whose home and heart has been ravaged by divorce.

It takes a lot of spiritual strength to fight for your marriage. We have to put on the whole armor of God (Eph. 6:11). It's important to study the word for God's instructing in becoming a godly wife. The closer you are to God, the better your marriage will be. We have to pray for His help. This shows our dependence upon Him. If we run to HIM with our "ventings" rather than our girlfriends, things will go more smoothly! Part of putting on the whole armor of God is memorizing scripture. There is nothing like the memorized word to fight off temptation and attacks on your marriage!

Our marriages are an opportunity for us to show the world a picture of the love that Christ has for the church. What an awesome privilege and joy!

This is the third in a three-part series on marriage. Click below to view the other posts:
PART I
PART II

Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart

I just finished reading Mr. Darcy Broke My Heart by Beth Patillo. I'm disappointed to report that I didn't love this book. I wanted to love it. The premise - or, at least the title - is enticing to any Austenite. I'm not saying I didn't enjoy it, but it's not at the top of my "must re-read at a future date" list.

The heroine, Claire, has the ultimate privilege of attending a week-long Pride and Prejudice seminar at Oxford. (As an aside, if anyone would like to send ME to a Pride and Prejudice seminar at Oxford, I would gladly go! Or even one like this that I found! Teehee!) While she's there, she meets a Mr. Darcy look-alike and instantly turns into goo. Never mind that she has a boyfriend back home. What's more interesting is that a woman randomly turns up (Can anyone say "Fairy Godmother?") with an authentic manuscript of First Impressions, which all we Austenites know was Jane Austen's first draft of Pride and Prejudice. Unfortunately, First Impressions was destroyed by Jane's sister after her death, along with hundreds of her letters. Claire learns that there is a secret group called the Formidables who have kept all of the supposedly-destroyed-but-actually-not manuscripts and letters in hiding for two hundred years. (Willing suspension of disbelief, people.) Claire reads the manuscript, and suddenly her moral choice between Mr. Darcy-look-alike and her boyfriend back home becomes crystal clear. I won't spoil the ending in case you decide to read the book.

I'm leaving out a LOT of backstory and details about Claire's life because to be honest, I don't feel like Pattillo did them justice. Claire has a LOT of emotional baggage and Pattillo wants us to believe that after a one-week seminar on Pride and Prejudice, all of a sudden all of Claire's problems are suddenly solved and she has found The Answer. This is my big problem with the book. Anyone with tons of emotional baggage (or even just a little bit of it) knows that true problems and real pain is not resolved with the waving of a wand, or even a single decision. Life is never so easy.

That being said, it was an enjoyable read. There was no truly objectionable material, and the ending wasn't terribly predictable. (Predictable, but not terribly so. This is different from "terribly predictable." Grin.) If you're looking for a fluffy, read-it-in-an-afternoon, beachy kind of book, this would fit the bill.

Looking Forward

My Happy Thursday is a day late this week - no excuses, just acknowledgment.

When I read this quote, I am reminded how unwise it is to look back, and think that the "older days" were better (Ecclesiastes 7:10). Regret looks back, folly is distracted to the side, but wisdom looks forward. Those who are in Christ know that our "forever" will be perfection.

Happy Thursday - In Honor of Osias

Back when I worked outside the home, I used to send a group of coworkers what I called "Happy Thursday" emails. My Happy Thursday emails were essentially an inspirational quote and a few encouraging words. It was something that I enjoyed doing and I got lots of feedback that it "meant a lot" to those who received the emails.

Recently, a friend of mine lost her son to CHD. On her facebook, she asked that he be remembered on Thursdays (he was born and passed away on Thursdays) and honored by an act of kindness. Here is her exact post:

Osias was born and died on Thursdays. If his precious life inspired you at all, please use this Thursday to honor his memory. Go out of your way to be kind to someone, start something you've been putting off, learn something new--anything that enriches life for others and/or yourself.

I've contemplated the return of my Happy Thursdays for a while now, but have decided to start them again in honor of Osias Gregory Wenner. I fell in love with that little guy, despite the fact that I never met him face to face on this earth. His little life touched many others, and I cherished the privilege to pray for him and his family while he was here... I love the idea of honoring his memory on Thursdays in the best way I know how... encouraging others in their growth!

More Courage to Endure

Life on Repeat

She was sweeter than an angel
Wide, trusting eyes always watching
Open-hearted, wistful, ready to be
Scarred by the jolting of reality

She's living her mama's life on repeat
Doing what she swore she'd never do
Go ahead, bend under the pressure, girl
Won't you ever be able to see?
You're living your mama's life on repeat

Wearing long sleeves in the summertime
Hating him with her disappointed heart
Never understanding her mama's blind eye
Digging deeper into herself as the years flew by

She's living her mama's life on repeat

Doing what she swore she'd never do

Go ahead, bend under the pressure, girl

Won't you ever be able to see?

You're living your mama's life on repeat

He wasn't like her daddy at all

Needy, striving, dying to fall

Not even the lights and siren's call

Clarified what was obvious to all

She's living her mama's life on repeat

Doing what she swore she'd never do

Go ahead, bend under the pressure, girl

Won't you ever be able to see?

You're living your mama's life on repeat

Girl, won't you ever be able to see?

That little boy will be you on repeat

She's living her mama's life on repeat

Doing what she swore she'd never do

Go ahead, bend under the pressure, girl

Won't you ever be able to see?

There is only One Way to stop the repeat